Yaaaaaaaay, I'm starting to break down again... Yah...so...meh is depressed again...albeit disturbingly spunkily so because of meds... If you know me well enough, feel free to approach me about the situations if you please and it really bothers you that much, but its more or less the same old crap of my futile existence. Trying to keep it kicking, but goddess fucking DAMN is life trying to pitch curves. Social issues to the max, inability to keep up with school work mentally in spite of my really high energy levels, parents and teachers triggering just about every mental condition I've got every other day...etc. I'm not whining or anything but I've been really sick of not being able to talk to people who are actual capable of understanding my situation without fucking it over...Yeah...starting to sound like another scene, myspaceslut...That's life I guess...you struggle and struggle through the muck to get the shiny things, and you just keep hitting sinkholes. My friends are great, but being heavily alternative in sexuality and some of them just not getting what goes on with my brain is getting me...really frustrated. I didn't take my meds last night, so as soon as I realized this morning, I knew a breakdown was going to happen. Luckily, I suppose, no one really took notice during the event, except maybe one of my more annoying friends who I briefly snapped at for something he didn't do. I didn't care at the time, I was on the verge of causing massive amounts of torment to the next thing that so much as poked me wrong. It was really sort of the epiphany towards the end of face-on-desk weeping/hallucinating/brooding session in the morning that caused me to realize that sadomasochism is really an integral part of my entity that I enjoy, and that I really -like- feeling like a fucked up human being sometimes. Not that this means I can't still understand the norm of 'morality'...my brain just works differently...and it hasn't harmed to much involving others as of yet, nor does it hold much potential to in any foreseeable future, so I don't see why the collective gets so fucking pissed at what I allow in and out of my thoughts... At any rate...Keraz, ranting your head off once again, with my sick, demented, boring life. Please...just ignore my existence for both our sakes...I'm sure it'll be more fulfilling for all of us.
-K